


Know What You’re Doing

by borntoblue



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-03
Updated: 2016-12-03
Packaged: 2018-09-06 04:30:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8734975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntoblue/pseuds/borntoblue
Summary: Jihoon brings up the time Seungcheol kissed him, and this complicates things between them more than Jihoon would have thought.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Despite the length this is a pre-relationship fic all the way through, but I think it’s a little too shippy to be a gen fic so here we are in the M/M category haha.

Sometimes when Jihoon hears Seungcheol at early hours in the morning, Jihoon thinks he’s hallucinating. 

Jihoon doesn’t keep track of time well when he’s in the studio, so once it’s been dark for a while he figures that everyone else has left. Therefore when Jihoon hears Seungcheol’s voice from behind him, his first thought is that he’s finally gotten stressed enough to hallucinate. 

But the reality is that Jihoon has never hallucinated. Seungcheol just likes to check on Jihoon before he leaves.

“Jihoon,” Seungcheol calls, and Jihoon pulls his headphones off one of his ears to listen better, “I’m headed back to the dorms, do you want to come?”

Jihoon takes a moment to consider the offer. They haven’t walked home together in a while. It’s that pre-comeback point where the company wants to finalize the track listing but they also want more than what Jihoon has. They want a wider variety of songs to choose from, they want a title track-worthy song that fits the new concept perfectly, they want improvements on everything Jihoon’s shown them and they want the songs to be more appealing to the public, whatever that entails. Shaving a couple of hours off composing isn’t something Jihoon feels he can afford.

Jihoon wants to go home with Seungcheol despite all that, but the thought of his workload keeps him seated.

Seungcheol walks forward while Jihoon thinks, crossing his arms across the back of Jihoon’s chair and squinting at the computer screen.

“This isn’t an Adore U remix, is it?”

Jihoon flushes and opens the tab with the new album intro instead.

“I was using it to unwind. Play with things on a no stress project until I can push myself into getting started, you know?”

“It’s three in the morning,” Seungcheol yawns, as though even his body wants to make a point about the time. “You shouldn’t be just getting started.”

“I did other things,” Jihoon mumbles. He’d be damned before he let Seungcheol think that he wasted a day in the studio. 

Jihoon tweaked a confirmed b-side, he came up with a chorus for something new and wrote that down before he forgot, he looked over some of Wonwoo’s lyrics with him, and he fixed an uncountable number of other things that were bugging him.

It’s only now, staring at the album intro the producers wanted to have “more punch,” that he feels lost and wants to run back to that Adore U remix, something familiar and easy that he’ll never need to show to anyone.

“I don’t doubt it,” Seungcheol assures him. “I just think that if you can’t get yourself going again, three in the morning is a decent time to sleep.”

Three in the morning, a decent time. Jihoon remembers when they’d all go home for eight o’ clock dinner after training and suddenly he doesn’t want to compose at all.

“Yeah, you’re right,” Jihoon saves all his tabs at once and closes the program, then he logs off entirely so he can’t change his mind.

Seungcheol stands back and smiles at Jihoon as he gets up, then waits by the doorway as Jihoon gathers his things and packs them in his bag.

After he’s all packed, Jihoon gives the studio a once-over and locks the door. He wasn’t thorough tonight but even if he forgot something, he’ll be back here in a few hours anyways.

“Let’s get going,” Jihoon says, and Seungcheol nods in response.

Jihoon and Seungcheol make their way to the door of the building in silence, but as they approach the entrance Seungcheol speeds up. He practically dashes over to get his coat, grabbing Jihoon’s as he does, and Jihoon can’t help a smile.

“You’re eager to get out of here, huh,” Jihoon teases, taking his jacket from Seungcheol’s offered hand.

“Oh, yeah, I guess so,” Seungcheol smiles sheepishly and slides his jacket on. “Didn’t realize I wanted it so much but I could really use some fresh air.”

Jihoon follows behind him, putting his jacket on while he walks, and Seungcheol opens the door.

Breathing in the night air is more satisfying than it should be. Jihoon hasn’t accomplished two thirds of what he wanted to today, and yet the fresh air feels like a milestone in itself. 

Seungcheol sighs loudly and throws his head back in satisfaction, “This is so much better than the practice room.”

Jihoon still kind of wants to go back to the studio, so he doesn’t comment. He idly watches as Seungcheol stretches his arms around. His hoodie’s so thin that Jihoon can see the shape of his muscles shifting, and Jihoon’s tired enough that even Seungcheol’s shifting looks like a lot of movement. With that level of fatigue it’s probably for the best that Jihoon’s out of the studio now, even if he wants to work.

“Let’s get going,” Jihoon ahead and walks down the steps, leaving Seungcheol to catch up. “If I’m getting extra sleep I want as much as possible.”

Seungcheol laughs and follows, catching up in a matter of seconds.

They fall into silence again.

They spend most of their time together in silence, these days.

Jihoon doesn’t know what to think of this tendency. He usually finds silence with friends comforting, though he doesn’t mind it when Seungcheol chats. Sometimes he even finds it disconcerting when Seungcheol doesn’t chat, because he knows Seungcheol usually likes chatting with him and only stops entirely when he thinks Jihoon wants to be left alone, and then Jihoon has to stop and evaluate his behaviour, wonder if he’s been too standoffish recently. 

On the other hand, Jihoon and Seungcheol have been together so long it feels like there’s hardly anything new to talk about except Seventeen’s progress, and most of the time both of them know the news on that front. 

Then there’s the simple exhaustion factor: sometimes, the weight of their idol schedule is too much and Jihoon and Seungcheol are too tired to talk.

There are too many possibilities to analyze their silences all the time, and Jihoon’s never been good at guessing what others are thinking.

Right now Seungcheol seems relaxed, so it probably wasn’t Jihoon being grumpy that’s silenced him. He’s looking up at the sky, so maybe that’s the reason he’s not talking: he’s trying to see stars.

Jihoon doesn’t understand why Seungcheol tries to see stars in the middle of the city, they’re not going to be clear no matter what he does, but he knows that Seungcheol tries, because they’ve been together long enough that Seungcheol’s told him that’s what he does when he stares at the sky.

Jihoon said that when he looked at the sky, he was usually hoping for inspiration in the clouds, because they make for nice imagery.

Seungcheol’s pointed out interesting clouds to Jihoon ever since.

Jihoon and Seungcheol know so many little things like that about each other that it’s almost anxiety-provoking when they’re not sharing more, but Jihoon realizes there’s not everything to share. He’s mostly a private guy, himself.

There are even things concerning Seungcheol that Jihoon keeps from him, things that happened between them that they’ve never discussed.

They don’t discuss how they seek each other out when they’re homesick even though their birth homes aren’t near each other. They don’t talk about how many times they talked each other into staying, indirectly or otherwise. They don’t even talk about how they feel about each other, which is why they get confused.

Jihoon has never once brought up the fact that Seungcheol was his first kiss.

Jihoon glances at Seungcheol from the side as he remembers that. It happened while cameras were rolling for Seventeen TV, it was meant as a Jihoon-bugging thing rather than a meaningful thing, yet the kiss still happened, and Jihoon had never been kissed before.

That’s a secret Jihoon doesn’t want to tell anyone, much less Seungcheol. Seungcheol’s kind of a romantic and would probably feel guilty. Jihoon doesn’t want him to feel guilty about something so silly as that. 

He doesn’t really care that Seungcheol was the first non-family member who kissed him anyways. It’s the being in love that makes a first kiss important, not the act of kissing itself. Besides, the kiss was with Seungcheol. Jihoon might have been annoyed if his first kiss had been with a stranger at a party, but Seungcheol is one of his closest friends.

He can accept the event when he think about it like that.

Jihoon doesn’t know if that’s normal, but that’s how he feels.

Seungcheol catches Jihoon’s glance, and faces him properly with a raised eyebrow.

“Do I have something on my face?” Seungcheol grins at Jihoon, so Jihoon knows he’s mostly joking.

Jihoon smiles back before looking forward.

“Not really. There’s a pimple, but I think I heard you mention that one already.”

“Pimples don’t matter anyways,” Seungcheol insists, slinging an arm around Jihoon’s shoulder and grinning in a way that makes Jihoon want to shove him off. “Nowadays I’ve got stylists to handle that for me.”

Jihoon lets out a short laugh, “Oh wow, you’re a real big shot now.”

“You know it,” Seungcheol wiggles his eyebrows at Jihoon, still grinning, and that’s when Jihoon shoves him off properly.

Seungcheol starts a string of chatter after that, telling Jihoon all about this special stage idea Hansol was pitching to him, and Jihoon thinks that if the current conversation’s this comfortable, the silence earlier must have been comfortable on Seungcheol’s end too.

 

 

When Seungcheol and Jihoon arrive at the dorm, not a single light is on.

“Were they expecting us to stay out all night?” Jihoon whispers to Seungcheol as they take off their shoes. Even in the entrance way they’re careful to be quiet because knowing their members, there’s probably at least two of them sleeping just around the corner in the living room.

“You sleep in the studio a lot, Jihoon,” Seungcheol reminds him as they step inside.

“Not as much as you think I do,” usually when Jihoon’s there all night he doesn’t sleep at all, but that’s not something he wants to talk about right now.

Seungcheol doesn’t reply because he’s noticed a couple of mattresses in the corner and he’s gone into automatic headcount mode.

“That’s three members on the floor,” he whispers over his shoulder to Jihoon. “One of them’s Seokmin, I think.”

Jihoon grabs Seungcheol away from their lightly snoring members by the shoulder, “We already know no one’s in the practice building, there’s no need to count.”

“They could have gotten lost,” Seungcheol protests, though he follows Jihoon’s path to the bathroom anyways, “or they could be running around unsupervised in the dead of night.”

“If anyone was lost they would have called, and nobody’s irresponsible enough to run away for too long so there’s no use worrying.”

“Oh Jihoon,” Seungcheol makes himself sound overly fond, “you’re so smart.”

Jihoon gives the quietest scoff he can and promptly herds Seungcheol into the bathroom, closing the door behind them before grappling around for the light switch.

They stop whispering once the lights are on, knowing the door will muffle them well enough.

“Do you think there’s any hot water left?” Seungcheol asks, eyeing the shower.

Jihoon shrugs, headed to the sink, “I’d rather get to bed quickly but you can try it.”

Seungcheol starts the water as Jihoon retrieves his toothbrush from the cupboard. It’s in a bag clearly labelled “Jihoon” because he can’t bother identifying by colour and he figures the others don’t either.

Seungcheol yelps, and Jihoon turns around in time to see him retracting his hand from the shower. He shakes water off his hand rapidly, sticking it in the pocket of his hoodie to dry further.

“There’s definitely no hot water.”

“You could shower anyways,” Jihoon doesn’t want to say it, but Seungcheol was practicing dance most of the day and he kind of smells.

Seungcheol sighs. He must already be aware of his sweat situation.

“I probably should,” he concedes, though he turns off the shower and strays toward Jihoon again.

Jihoon looks at him suspiciously, “Are you going to put it off, though?”

Then, Seungcheol grins and puts an arm around Jihoon’s shoulder.

“You should shower with me.”

Although Jihoon has had years to get used to living in a space where people pretty much constantly invite him to shower with them, at the same time, Seungcheol has had years to get used to the fact that Jihoon doesn’t really do communal bathing.

“It will be warmer that way,” Seungcheol continues while Jihoon stares at him blankly, “because both of us will be giving off body heat and not just me, right?”

“I’m pretty sure that would still be cold,” Jihoon shrugs off Seungcheol’s arm and turns to the mirror, where Jihoon can still see Seungcheol pouting at him. “We’d have to be pretty much cuddling in order for that to work, and I am definitely not cuddling you in the shower.”

Seungcheol laughs, probably louder than he should be.

“Would that really be so bad?” he has a big dopey grin on his face, clearly joking now. “I give good hugs.”

“Just take your shower,” Jihoon tells him, thinking of a way to joke back. “We need at least some boundaries, you get away with too much already.”

Seungcheol laughs more quietly this time, “And just what have you let me get away with, Lee Jihoon?”

“My first kiss, for one.”

Jihoon regrets dredging that up the moment it exits his mouth, but Jihoon’s pause is nothing compared to the way Seungcheol completely freezes, staring at Jihoon with wide eyes.

“When was that?” Seungcheol asks, whispering again. 

He looks concerned, and that’s why Jihoon never brought the incident up in the first place. Damn his tired brain for making him mention it now. Damn himself for fishing it out of his memory this evening in the first place.

“On Seventeen TV,” Jihoon says, as nonchalantly as he can. He reaches for the toothpaste. “It’s no big deal, you were just joking around, don’t worry about it.” Jihoon looks down at the sink. He doesn’t like the way Seungcheol’s shock is still obvious. “I’ve already gotten over it. I mean, I wasn’t even bothered in the first place, I just.”

He puts his toothbrush and toothpaste down, knowing he has to speak more, and turns around, eyes fixed on Seungcheol’s shirt. He can’t meet Seungcheol’s eyes quite yet.

“Forget I said anything about it. I was trying to joke around and I’m tired and I misjudged what to say. Nothing that hasn’t happened before.”

“But it was your first—”

“I said I’m fine with it,” Jihoon insists again, finally looking up and making eye contact.

Seungcheol’s eyes still look wide, they always do, but he looks like he’s listening more seriously now, so Jihoon plods on.

“This happened literally years ago. It didn’t shatter my childhood dreams or anything. I didn’t have high hopes for my first kiss, I just thought it would happen sometime and there you go, it happened.”

“Alright Jihoon, I get it.”

Jihoon didn’t know how tense he was about this until he feels his shoulders lower at those words, feels a breath escape his mouth after seeing that Seungcheol’s smiling.

“It really didn’t matter to you?” he doesn’t seem alarmed now, more like he’s making sure he heard right.

Jihoon nods quickly.

“Yeah, it’s not like that one counted, right? Your first kiss has to be with someone you love.”

Jihoon looks back to the sink, and they fall into silence again.

The shower drips down, loud in the small space where Jihoon’s only now squeezing his toothpaste out, and Seungcheol’s hovering awkwardly behind him, staring at the tile.

“I’m going to take a shower,” Seungcheol announces, quieter than he needs to be.

“Okay,” Jihoon answers, and though he watches Seungcheol in the mirror the whole time he brushes his teeth, Seungcheol doesn’t look at him once.

He’s in the shower, just a shadow, by the time Jihoon’s done.

“Good night,” Jihoon tells him, making sure to be heard over the shower’s spray.

But Seungcheol doesn’t answer.

Jihoon makes his way out of the bathroom quietly, feeling for the walls before his eyesight adjusts. 

He focuses on his feet, on making sure he’s not stepping on anyone, purposely trying not to think about the discomfort of that last silence.

 

 

Jihoon doesn’t see what he could have done wrong, as far as he could tell he had already placated Seungcheol about the kiss, but over the next few days it becomes clear Jihoon has messed up anyways.

Seungcheol is as nice as ever, he doesn’t have it in him to be mean over a mess-up, but he keeps more of a distance from Jihoon than he usually does. He doesn’t joke with Jihoon, he doesn’t try to cuddle Jihoon, and he doesn’t talk about anything other than the comeback plans with Jihoon.

Seungcheol doesn’t even check on Jihoon when he leaves the practice building.

Jihoon fails to notice Seungcheol’s absences for a few days. Sometimes he gets so absorbed in his music that he doesn’t notice even when Seungcheol is checking, but when more than a week has passed without a single early morning peep from Seungcheol, Jihoon starts to get suspicious.

His suspicions are confirmed the next day when he leaves the studio relatively early and finds Seungcheol and Seungkwan tying their shoes by the front door.

Seungkwan seems surprised to see him.

“Hey, I was told you were busy tonight.”

Jihoon knows who must have told him that. He looks at Seungcheol for a second, but Seungcheol’s staring off at the door, scuffing his feet against the floor.

Jihoon looks back at Seungkwan, “I’m always busy, but I can’t get anything more done tonight. Everything’s been submitted for review, I can’t work until I get some feedback.”

“Everything has?!” Seungkwan’s eyes widen, more than a little impressed, and Jihoon can’t help but smile. “Jihoon-hyung, that’s amazing.”

“Not absolutely everything, but every song for this album is being reviewed, yeah. I figure that after submitting the last one I deserve some sleep.”

“You sure do,” Seungkwan nods eagerly. “Do you want to walk back with us?”

Seungkwan turns around, presumably to check with Seungcheol, but in the time it took for Jihoon to tell Seungkwan about his progress, Seungcheol walked out the door.

Seungkwan and Jihoon watch him through the wide windows of the building, walking with his hands in his pockets until he disappears out of sight.

Seungkwan’s excited look disappears as he watches Seungcheol go. 

The whole situation makes Jihoon want to shrink into himself and stop existing entirely. Seungcheol’s not usually this obvious in front of the others, the group dynamic’s too important to him for that, but now Seungkwan knows something is up and he’s looking at Jihoon with concern, pursing his lips as he thinks of what to say.

“You two aren’t fighting, are you?”

Jihoon silently grabs his coat from the rack near the door while he wonders how much Seungkwan strictly needs to know.

“I don’t know what I did,” Jihoon admits eventually, meeting Seungkwan’s eyes so he can tell that Jihoon’s sincere. “I must have said something but I don’t know what it was, and now he’s avoiding me. I don’t like it but I don’t know how to fix it, I just—”

Jihoon sighs. Just like that he’s run out explanations he’s willing to share. He definitely can’t let Seungkwan know about the kiss, and he doesn’t want to explain the dynamics of his and Seungcheol’s friendship to anyone else. Seungkwan already knows the basics, and the specifics are as much Jihoon’s private business as that damn kiss is.

Jihoon has mistakenly overshared enough for a lifetime already, if Seungcheol’s absence is any indication.

Seungkwan doesn’t seem to need any more than what Jihoon’s said already anyways. His face becomes something more sympathetic than cautious, and he reaches around to pat Jihoon’s back. The contact feels nice after so long with no Seungcheol clinging. Jihoon has never been a touchy person, but apparently he misses touch when he’s getting less than usual. He hadn’t even noticed until now.

When Jihoon leans in closer, Seungkwan’s patting becomes a full-on hug from the side, and Jihoon doesn’t protest in the least.

They stand like that quietly for a moment, while Seungkwan thinks of what to say again. He’s usually quick with his words, but when it comes to people like Jihoon he slows down a little.

“You’re probably going to have to talk to him first.”

Jihoon sighs again, “That’s not really the advice I want to hear, you know.”

“Well it’s the advice you’re getting,” Seungkwan informs him, giving him an extra squeeze. “You probably won’t even have to worry once you get to him. It’s Seungcheol-hyung, once you talk to him he’ll definitely listen to you.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Seungkwan mostly lets Jihoon go after that admission, though he still loosely hangs off Jihoon’s waist as he continues.

“Are you sure you’ve got it? We can’t have two of our leaders avoiding each other for long.”

“I’m not avoiding Seungcheol, he’s entirely responsible for this,” Jihoon insists, and that’s when he pushes at Seungkwan’s stomach to signal that cuddling time is over. “I mean, I must have said something to cause it, but—”

“Then you’ll say something else to fix it soon, right?”

Seungkwan does not let go of Jihoon. He looks Jihoon resolutely in the eye as he waits for an answer.

Jihoon frowns for a second, but even though Seungkwan’s grip isn’t strong, there’s no escaping him when he wants something.

“Yeah, okay, I’ll corner him as soon as possible.”

Seungkwan still doesn’t look satisfied. Jihoon huffs, wondering why Seungcheol had to be hanging out with this particular stubborn kid. Any other member would have let go by now.

“I’ll try and do that tomorrow.” 

Seungkwan still doesn’t let go. 

“Around this time,” Jihoon clarifies, but Seungkwan’s pouting at him now so Jihoon must need more of a game plan than that.

It takes Jihoon a couple moments to come up with one. 

“I’ll watch out for Seungcheol leaving the building and corner him then.”

Seungkwan finally nods his approval and lets Jihoon go. Jihoon stumbles forward slightly and turns around to frown at Seungkwan, but he doesn’t manage it for more than a second because Seungkwan’s smiling too contentedly for Jihoon to actually be annoyed with him.

“And you’ll definitely sort it out then, right?”

“Absolutely,” Jihoon says, starting to believe it now that he has a plan. He still has no idea what he’s going to say, but he has a whole day to think about that. “Now let’s get back to the dorm, I’m dead tired.”

Seungkwan looks even more pleased now that the conversation’s not completely serious.

“Me too, let’s get some well-deserved rest.”

“What did you do today that makes it so well deserved?”

Seungkwan acts offended for a second before launching into a drawn-out description of his practice schedule that contains enough events for the explanation to last them all the way to the dorm.

“You talk a lot,” Jihoon tells Seungkwan as they reach the dorm’s door step, tired enough that it feels like a new revelation instead of the simple fact it is.

“You don’t talk enough,” Seungkwan retorts before scooting Jihoon into the building.

Jihoon doesn’t know if he disagrees or not.

 

 

Three of Jihoon’s songs are sent back from review the next morning, so Jihoon spends most of his day going over proposed changes with the other producers. The Seungcheol issue is still present in his mind, when he leaves the studio for lunch he catches a glimpse of Seungkwan and that’s enough of a reminder, but it’s easier for Jihoon to lose himself in work concerns than any other concerns so that’s what he does.

It gets harder for Jihoon to focus once the other producers leave. One leaves around five in the afternoon because he has a daughter to pick up and the other leaves at seven because he has a different studio to go to.

Jihoon has no other commitments as important as Seventeen, so after he eats a cup of ramyun for dinner he stays in the studio, playing his tracks over and over.

Jihoon thinks he’ll be able to get work done at first. He’s able to remember all the producers’ comments as he listens, at least. But as it gets later and Jihoon thinks he ought to start watching the door, Jihoon starts to feel a pressure that makes it impossible to come up with any ways to fix his tracks’ problems. He starts to panic and hit undo if he doesn’t like his changes immediately, he starts to groan and wring his hands, he starts worrying that he’ll lose track of time if he gets too into his producing and by the time Jihoon realizes he’s so anxious about Seungcheol he can’t do any work, two hours have passed.

It’s nine, Jihoon’s hardly done anything, and the earliest Seungcheol ever leaves the building for the night is ten.

Jihoon takes off his headphones and saves all his files, then shuts down the computer and lets his cheek rest against the semi-cool plastic of the keyboard.

He feels overheated and anxious and he doesn’t really want to confront Seungcheol, except he knows from experience that if they ignore the problem, it will get worse. Jihoon will start to feel this anxious every time he thinks of Seungcheol, and that will manifest in him being actively grumpy at Seungcheol, and they can’t afford a leader spat at this point in the comeback process.

Deeper down, Jihoon knows he just can’t afford a fight with Seungcheol, period.

Never mind their idol group for a minute, Jihoon cares about Seungcheol, and knowing he’s hurt one of his friends without being able to apologize feels awful.

By the time Jihoon’s thought his way through all those feelings, his chest is still tight and when he looks at the clock, it’s only twenty past nine.

Jihoon curls up in his chair, resting his head on his knees.

He should probably wait for Seungcheol outside of the studio, especially if he’s not getting any work done, but it feels too daunting to wait where some of the others could see him. It feels too daunting to wait at all. He wonders if he can just call it a day, go sleep his anxiety off, and tell Seungkwan that Seungcheol ran from him and was too fast for Jihoon to catch up.

Still, Jihoon knows he’d only feel worse if he went home now and Seungkwan would catch onto his lie, so he decides that if waiting for Seungcheol is going to make him miserable, he’s going to go find Seungcheol himself.

Jihoon pushes himself out of his chair before he can change his mind, snatching his keys off the desk on his way out of the studio. He realizes as he’s locking the door that he didn’t turn the lights off, but if Jihoon goes back in he’ll be tempted to sit down again so he leaves the lights on and heads down the hallway, using the stairs instead of the elevator in hopes of burning off at least a little bit of his anxious energy.

Jihoon’s been walking through the building so fast that he’s a little winded by the time he reaches the second floor. He still doesn’t feel any less anxious, so he punches in the code to upstairs with a little more force than necessary, wrenches the door open, and since that has no effect he speed walks down the hallway again until he comes to the practice rooms.

Seungcheol’s going to be in one of them, and he has to slow down to figure out which it is.

The practice rooms contain sound well but if Jihoon hovers outside for a moment he can hear who’s inside. Wonwoo’s practicing his new lyrics in the first small room, Seokmin’s working on a cover in the next, the next few are empty and then the final small room is occupied by someone whose voice Jihoon can’t recognize, so he’s going to have to listen in on the dance practice rooms.

The first of the rooms is empty, but Jihoon hears Seungcheol’s muffled voice from the second room the instant he steps in front of it.

He takes a deep breath and listens a moment more to see if anyone else is inside, making a scene when someone else is in the room is the last thing he wants to do, but before Jihoon can figure that out, he hears Seungcheol’s voice getting closer to the door, and sees the outline of a person through the door.

Frozen by anxiety, Jihoon stands right in front of the doorway as Seungcheol, mouth open in the middle of a sentence, opens the door.

Seungcheol’s eyes go wide and he stops talking.

Jihoon stares at him for a moment, taking in his startled expression, and then he notices Hansol standing behind Seungcheol, looking at Jihoon curiously.

“Hey, hyung, were you hoping to practice dance tonight? We’re just leaving, so help yourself.”

“I was hoping to talk to Seungcheol,” Jihoon mumbles that a little more than he probably should but Hansol still gets it.

“Cool, I’ll head out on my own then,” Hansol steps around Seungcheol, and Jihoon backs up to let him pass down the hallway. “See you back at the dorm.”

Jihoon tries to say “see you” back but he speaks too quietly again and Hansol’s already halfway down the hallway anyway.

Jihoon goes back to looking at Seungcheol, but he can’t quite meet his eyes this time.

There’s a moment of silence, a silence that’s so uncomfortable that Jihoon knows he’d mumble again if he tried to break it, and then Seungcheol speaks.

“I didn’t think you’d want to talk to me.”

Hearing that from the person who’s been avoiding him makes Jihoon outright glare as he looks up at Seungcheol’s face again.

“It didn’t occur to you that maybe I’d want to find out why you’re avoiding me for no obvious reason?”

Seungcheol’s eyes widen again and he takes a step outside the practice room to look around, frantically checking that Hansol wasn’t in earshot for that. Jihoon feels his ears heat up with embarrassment as he thinks of anybody hearing, but Hansol must already be in the stairwell, because Seungcheol seems subdued when he looks at Jihoon again.

“Come inside,” he says quietly, drawing back into the practice room.

Jihoon takes a couple steps forward with him and grabs the door behind him, leaning back against it to close it.

Jihoon continues to lean on the door, doorknob digging into his back, as he watches Seungcheol put his water bottle back down on the floor, avoiding Jihoon’s eyes.

Jihoon’s frustration hasn’t faded, so his next sentence is out of his mouth before he can even think it through.

“Can you tell me what all that was about now?”

Seungcheol turns around, but he’s still looking at the floor so Jihoon can’t take stock of his expression.

“Sorry,” he says first, sounding truly apologetic. “I let that get out of hand. You didn’t even do anything bad, I shouldn’t have avoided you in the first place.”

Hearing even that much goes a long way to relaxing Jihoon. He stops glaring and stands upright, facing Seungcheol properly.

“Then why did you?”

Silence. 

A tense silence that feels far longer than it should. 

Jihoon can feel his anxiety from earlier start to come back. He feels his fingers dig into his palms before he even realizes he’s curling them in.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me,” Jihoon finds himself saying. He just wants to make up already. He can’t stand the way Seungcheol won’t meet his eyes. “I just don’t want you to avoid me anymore. I end up missing you even though you’re here and I’ll get mad about it eventually and I can’t work when I think about fighting with you for real.”

A few seconds of silence where Jihoon fears he’s run his mouth off even more, and then:

“You miss me?”

Seungcheol finally looks up. He looks hopeful.

Jihoon lets out a long breath in something like relief. 

“Of course I do,” he says, making an effort not to mumble that confession even though he wants to. “You’re my friend, I care about you.”

Seungcheol’s eyes start to water, “You mean it?”

Jihoon doesn’t know how to deal with this. Not that he knew what to do when Seungcheol wasn’t crying, but the gleam off Seungcheol’s eyes makes everything worse, and Jihoon has to swallow an urge to tear up with him.

“Seungcheol, we’ve been friends for years.”

Seungcheol lets out a shaky exhale.

“You’re not just putting up with me?”

Seungcheol thinking Jihoon didn’t like him must have been the problem, but Jihoon doesn’t feel any less confused or anxious now that he knows.

“What gave you the impression I was?”

They stare at each other with glassy eyes for a few moments. Jihoon’s heart is stuck in his throat.

Seungcheol tilts his head back, looking at the ceiling with a large sigh.

“You’re going to think it’s stupid.”

Jihoon almost expected an answer like that, “But I don’t want to do it again, so you should—”

Seungcheol cuts Jihoon off by groaning, then he leans against the wall and starts to slide down it. He sits on the ground at the end of it, knocks his head against the wall, and for a moment he doesn’t speak at all.

Jihoon walks towards Seungcheol, sitting on his knees in front of him so he can face Seungcheol at something like eye level, and when Seungcheol lets his head fall forward again, he mumbles something that Jihoon doesn’t hear.

Jihoon crawls forward, almost resting his hand on Seungcheol’s knee before Seungcheol speaks up.

“You said that kiss didn’t count because you didn’t love me.”

Jihoon freezes, “Did I?”

“I mean, not in those words exactly, but you implied it,” Seungcheol looks guilty, “and I know we were talking about romance, but I feel like you’ve been distant lately and my mind ran away with that conversation and I just,” he sighs. “I’m so sorry Jihoon, I know I shouldn’t have avoided you but I kept thinking that you didn’t want me around and—”

Jihoon lets his hand fall on Seungcheol’s knee, and Seungcheol locks eyes with him in surprise. 

“If I didn’t want you around,” Jihoon starts, “I would probably tell you directly. And I wouldn’t want you to leave for long. I’d want you to come back, because I—”

Seungcheol’s eyes are so wide and Jihoon’s throat is constricting. Some part of Jihoon’s brain is telling him that this doesn’t even need to be said, Seungcheol gets the point already and Jihoon’s run his mouth enough, but another part thinks he’d do anything to make sure he never fights with Seungcheol again. If making sure of that means saying something embarrassing, then so be it.

“— because I do love you.”

Seungcheol starts crying for real.

Jihoon has to avert his eyes so he doesn’t follow suit.

“What are you crying for,” he mutters, wiping away one tear that got loose. “I said it, shouldn’t you be better now.”

“Jihoon, I’m crying because I’m relieved!”

Before Jihoon can register what’s happening, Seungcheol scoots forward, forcing Jihoon back onto his knees and into a hug. Jihoon’s hands hover for a moment before he hugs back, letting his chin fall onto Seungcheol’s shoulder.

“I can’t believe,” Seungcheol sniffles, and Jihoon absently thinks his hoodie is going to be covered in snot after this, “you’d say that for me! I spent so much time worrying, I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have doubted you, I know how you are but sometimes I worry anyways and—”

“It’s okay,” Jihoon pats Seungcheol’s back, but that just makes him cry harder.

“We’ve been friends so long I shouldn’t even make mistakes like this anymore.”

“You know that’s not true,” Jihoon tells him, taking a deep breath because he’s about to be embarrassing again. “We’re really different people and it’s hard, I know that. It’s okay if we don’t always get it right.”

“But I want to,” Seungcheol admits, holding Jihoon to him a little tighter. “I want to always get along with you.”

Jihoon almost starts crying himself.

“Me too,” he says quietly, listening to Seungcheol sniffle some more in response.

Just like that, both of them understand.

They stay like that for a few moments, Seungcheol sitting on the ground, arms around Jihoon, and Jihoon awkwardly kneeling with his head over Seungcheol’s shoulder. His knees are starting to protest, but before Jihoon can make any moves to be more comfortable, Seungcheol’s talking again.

“I really am sorry about that kiss,” he goes on before Jihoon can interject. “I know you didn’t mind it but it just made everything more awkward in the long run.”

“It didn’t, though,” Jihoon insists. They are not going through this conversation again if he can help it.

Seungcheol finally pulls back from hugging Jihoon, leaning against his hands on the floor, but Jihoon still doesn’t have enough room to do anything but kneel.

“You have to admit,” Seungcheol’s not crying anymore, which is a promising sign, “it is a bit awkward.”

Jihoon huffs, “It changes literally nothing between us. You could kiss me again, right now, and it wouldn’t change how awkward or not we are.”

That makes Seungcheol actually laugh.

“Jihoon, you have to admit _that_ would change the situation.”

Jihoon re-evaluates their position on the floor, the lack of cameras, and the conversation they just had.

“Okay, spoke a bit too soon on that one.”

Seungcheol laughs even more. He starts to struggle to his feet so Jihoon follows him up. It’s almost weird being roughly equal with Seungcheol’s shoulder again after being even with his face for a while.

“Let’s head home,” Seungcheol says, grabbing his water bottle again before headed towards the door. “It’s been a while since we walked together.”

That idea makes Jihoon happier than he’d like to admit.

“I’ll have to get my stuff from the studio, but I’d love to.”

Seungcheol smiles, and they leave the practice room together before heading down the stairs.

They don’t talk on their way to the first floor, the stairwell echoes too much to chat, but once they make it to the studio and Jihoon’s packed his bag and finally shut all the lights, Seungcheol starts chatting.

“Make any progress today?” Seungcheol asks.

Jihoon locks the door behind him, drops the keys in his bag, and sighs. 

“Honestly, compared to usual I did practically nothing.”

“That’s okay,” Seungcheol reaches for Jihoon’s hand as he says this, and Jihoon finds he doesn’t actually mind when Seungcheol squeezes his hand for reassurance. He’s entirely too happy that they’re talking again. “There’s always tomorrow.”

“And tomorrow I won’t be anxious about waiting for you to show up all day.”

“Too soon,” Seungcheol scolds him, elbowing him slightly, and Jihoon falls quiet until they reach the door.

Jihoon and Seungcheol throw on their coats then step outside, and Seungcheol reaches for Jihoon’s hand again.

Jihoon grabs back, but looks down at their interlocked hands curiously, “Are your hands cold or something? They don’t feel cold.”

“Do you have a problem with it?” Seungcheol asks as they start to walk. He smiles down at Jihoon with clear amusement. “We’ve already kissed, this shouldn’t be a big deal.”

Jihoon buries himself in his jacket collar, trying to hide how much that remark embarrassed him.

“You aren’t going to hold this over me forever, are you?”

Seungcheol laughs, clearly pleased with Jihoon’s reaction, “No, no, I’ll stop.”

“You better,” Jihoon mutters, which just makes Seungcheol smile.

They walk hand-in-hand all the way to the dorms, but Jihoon doesn’t even mind.

He’s just starting to realize how far he’d go for Seungcheol’s sake, and hand-holding is among the very least of it.


End file.
